All along I say inside out, inside out. Do I believe that myself, well I am trying. What a battle self love is-it is so hard when one is haunted by low self esteem,negative self talk, years of verbal abuse from a mother who hated herself, her life, loved her children but just could not pull it together.
I often wonder why,, maybe her spirit was just to broken...Seriously, why could she not help herself, because she lacked knowledge or energy to really do something about it. I think really she just didn't think she was worth anything --what a sad feeling. I look back and I really can say she was never happy, never.
Here I am on my journey my children make me very happy, I have a really nice husband who tries so hard to do the right thing and please me. I feel I often leave him feeling hopeless....its not even his fault!
Okay. I am going to break the cycle, I refuse to let my daughter grow up and feel this self defeating feeling inside of her. I am going to teach her that she is lovable, just as I am lovable, I always have been! Do I love myself NO, do I hate myself NO- did I grow up with someone who taught me to hate myself simply from her own misery yes. I will not transfer that energy onto my children NO, NO it is not fair and they do not have a choice! I am going to keep working on my self I still have time to change more and I will- I feel have come a long way - I am going to give myself some credit --I am a good Mother, I am a good wife, and I was a good daughter. These are the words I will make myself believe! Oh and Run tall!
good stuff. for me, the thing that has helped me the most is learning what God thinks of me. i draw so much strength as i learn and start to believe who God created me to be and recognizing who i am as a follower of Jesus. He has changed everything for me. thank you for your honesty
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