Dear Self,
How have things been going? Did u lift your head up and be proud? I hope it's not hanging low with those sad eyes anymore. I hate to see you like that! I miss your bright light that shined even if I was the only one who noticed....I always think of the story you told me when your worked at that flower shop, you would say hello to this man who walked by every morning, and one day he stopped and said, "5 years I walk by this shop and no one ever says hi to me, and now u say hello every morning!" I love when u told me this because that was so you, a simple hello which you came natural-changed this whole guys morning, probably made him feel noticed and I know people like that.
I am wondering if u read any good books lately or wrote any poetry ...your poems used to make me cry...I guess if no one has inspired you it would be hard to write a poem unless it was negative which is a place I know you have been trapped in since last spring. If I could give you any advice... please stop paying any mind to things that u can't change, and learn to except that others struggle just as much as you- they just may be better at hiding or maybe have a deeper spiritual connection that you're lacking. Please believe it could be simply that they are void and dealing with void is a waste of energy and a never winning battle and can be so exhausting.
I hope you're are still finding joy in running it would be so sad to know that you became defeated in that area too. I was so proud to see the progress u made after having your twins and how proud you were of yourself, it was such a different part of you- that I didn't know existed. What a great accomplishment!
Please know that you have always been special to me- we have been through so much together, and I don't know what I would do with out you! I think of all the good times we shared the laughter,dancing,enjoying a good meal, driving around listening to Bod Dylan, looking at the mountains, daydreaming of homes we would love to live in... those were awesome times. I know the you that I will always admire and think kindly of --that girl is my friend. So when you come across that smile with the phony heart behind it and the energy you can not deny ....take it for what it is and hold your head high!
I love you and think of you often, I am so glad you have your little children and husband as a refuge, I know they take good care of you and love you as much as I do. I hope to see you soon.Please know I think of you every day, and I will be waiting for your response back with what I hope is good news take care!
Love, Me
